You’re standing in the middle of a busy intersection, juggling. Not just a few harmless beanbags, but an ever-changing mix of tasks, emotions, and expectations—some light and manageable, others heavy and unpredictable. Your brain keeps insisting you can catch them all, that if you just try a little harder, you can control the chaos.
And then a gust of wind blows through.
Half of the things you were juggling scatter. Some roll into the street. A few land safely at your feet. And now, the real challenge begins: figuring out which ones are actually yours to pick up.
Let’s break it down.
What We CAN Control (Even When Our Brain Feels Like a Glitchy Video Game)
✨ Our Actions—Kind of
Have you ever stood in front of a sink full of dishes, fully aware that doing them is the right move, yet somehow physically unable to start? Yeah. Just because we want to do something doesn’t mean the “action” button in our brain works on command.
But here’s the trick: we don’t control the instinct—we control the setup.
That means hacking the system—using alarms, body doubling, visual timers, or tricking our brain into believing we already started (yes, putting one dish in the sink counts). It’s not about forcing ourselves into action; it’s about making action the easier choice.
✨Our Thought Patterns—With Practice
Ever had a brain that refuses to shut up? It’s 2 a.m., and suddenly, it wants to analyze every single embarrassing thing you’ve ever said.
You can’t always stop the thoughts, but you can choose what to do with them. Like a stubborn toddler about to lick an electrical outlet, your brain needs gentle but firm redirection. “No, we are not spiraling into shame at this hour. Here’s a puzzle, a deep breath, a distraction instead.”
✨Our Emotional Regulation—With a Big Asterisk
Emotions with AuDHD are like a rogue wave—one second, you’re standing in ankle-deep water, and the next, you’re face-first in the sand, wondering what just happened.
Can we prevent the wave? Nope. But we can learn how to ride it. Stimming, sensory breaks, deep pressure, music, humor—these are our life rafts. Instead of trying to suppress emotions, we build a support system strong enough to carry us through them.
✨Our Effort—But On Our Terms
Some days, effort looks like reorganizing the entire house at 3 a.m. Other days, it’s managing to send a single email. Effort is not about consistency—it’s about sustainability.
We don’t need to force maximum effort every day. We need a system that works with our natural energy cycles—because, let’s be honest, our brains refuse to function like a factory.
What We CANNOT Control (So Let’s Not Waste Our Energy Trying to Tame Wildfires)
✨ Other People’s Actions—Even When They’re Being Extra
People will do what people do. They’ll misunderstand us, dismiss our needs, make last-minute changes, or refuse to see our perspective. We could craft the perfect explanation, the most airtight argument, and some folks still won’t get it.
And that’s not our problem to solve.
What is our problem? Protecting our energy. Setting boundaries. Choosing when to engage and when to walk away.
✨ External Events—The Ultimate Chaos Generator
Life happens. Trains run late. The Wi-Fi dies mid-Zoom call. Someone schedules a meeting right when we were planning to recharge.
No amount of planning eliminates chaos. But flexibility—learning to shift gears without melting down—is the skill that keeps us afloat. That, and having a backup plan. And maybe a backup for the backup.
✨ The Past—No Matter How Many Times Our Brain Replay It
ADHD and autism both love to fixate on past mistakes, past embarrassments, past everything. But here’s the thing: the past isn’t an open-world video game. We can’t go back and redo the cutscene.
What we can do is hit pause on the self-recrimination. Reframe it. Take the lesson, drop the shame.
✨ Other People’s Opinions—Even When Rejection Sensitivity Says Otherwise
We want to be understood. We want people to like us. And when we get even a hint of rejection—real or imagined—our nervous system acts like we’ve just been exiled from the village.
But here’s the deal: we can’t control how others see us.
Some people will judge. Some will misunderstand. And we can waste years bending ourselves into pretzels trying to shape their perception—or we can let go, be ourselves, and find the people who actually get it.
Letting Go Without Losing Our Minds
Imagine you’re juggling again. This time, though, you’re not scrambling to catch everything. You recognize which ones are yours to carry—your choices, your self-care, your strategies—and which ones aren’t your problem anymore.
And suddenly, the act feels a lot less exhausting.
If you’re ready to stop wasting energy trying to control the uncontrollable, let’s work together. I help neurodivergent individuals and parents of AuDHD teens and young adults build realistic, brain-friendly strategies that actually work—without forcing themselves into neurotypical molds.
Let’s make life easier. Click here to get started!