As someone with autism, experiencing a romantic breakup can feel devastating, almost as if who you are as a person has failed the lovability test.
The all-or-nothing perspective we place on relationships is a big contributor to this feeling.
It often leads us to see the steps of a romantic relationship in the following way:
“I like you,” “I feel safe with you,”
“I feel supported and accepted in a way that’s NEVER happened before. This is the best thing EVER, and I’ll NEVER find anyone like this again.”
With a story that puts everything on the line like that, it’s no wonder you’d respond as though you’d lost everything. It’s the story catastrophizing the reality and producing emotions to match.
I remember being clingy, easily hurt, defensive, and insecure, which led me to sabotage every dating relationship I had. I was so emotionally immature.
I fell in love/dependence quickly, wanting the relationship to last forever because the rush of hormones that accompanies a new romance is intoxicating, comforting. The need for security and certainty makes it necessary to hang on for dear life.
Learning to understand the role autism plays in how you assign meaning to your experiences is helpful in challenging those moments when it limits your options to the point of hopelessness.
I’m not pretending its easy learning to prevent this tendency of autism from hijacking your thinking and emotions. But step-by-step, with my help. We can get there.