I remember pissing people off on a regular basis and having no idea why for years.
Apparently, my manner of speaking was direct, blunt, honest, and caught people off guard. They’d often conclude I was rude, a jerk, immature, and so on. Neither they nor I thought ‘autism’, let alone ADHD (AuDHD).
A client of mine is experiencing a similar issue in that he tends to be more blunt when mentally tired from too much input; man, can I relate. There’ve been moments when I cut someone off with a stern, “OK!”
After which, I’d apologize and explain what happened for me. It’s like my memory is a large bucket overflowing with information, and I’m trying to hold onto it while trying to keep it from spilling.
When it reaches a point where I need to drop the bucket, I also need the water—the information—to stop, and I may push back suddenly.
My response is a sign of overwhelm and says nothing about my character or how I feel about the other person, how I feel about you. Please understand, it can happen suddenly, like when you’re driving at night and your headlights catch the sight of a wall right before you hit it.
So I walked him through some ways he could advocate to his friends to achieve some understandings and agreements about how to navigate these moments in the future. Including remembering “it isn’t a slight its a sign”.
I’m uniquely skilled with language and routinely help clients find just the right words to describe what they’re feeling, what they’re hiding from themselves, the precise insight or skill they need to solve a problem, and what they’re doing in their mind to get in their own way. It’s all done through a lens of curiosity that makes understanding it more intriguing than avoiding it.
As you learn more about yourself and your needs as someone living with AuDHD, you’ll be able to establish the boundaries you need in a relationship, and in a way, it feels more organic. I can teach you how to do this, message me if you want to know more.