Month: August 2022
Don’t touch me!
What helps reduce overthinking, overwhelm, and procrastination?
What helps reduce overthinking, overwhelm, and procrastination?
This is one of my favorite things to help people with.
Let’s face it, you often think of more reasons NOT to do something than to do it, right? That’s one of the reasons you experience overwhelm.
1) Procrastination which causes unfinished tasks to increase in number
2) Difficulty saying, “No” results in added responsibility you have neither the time or energy for
3) Refusing to ask for help leaves you two-handed when you need at least four
As much as your executive functioning challenges (e.g. getting started, maintaining focus, doing things in order, and so on) make getting things done difficult. There’s the emotional resistance, strengthened by years of criticism, and correction. With few experiencing of useful guidance on what to do instead.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing mistakes is all you’re good for.
You’ll do anything to avoid making mistakes at this point, and the subsequent barrage of brutal,
shame frosted self-talk that follows.
This pattern is a self-fulfilling prophecy, practically guaranteeing a negative experience every time you take the slightest risk.
I suspect you’d like to explore an alternative to this, yes?
Back to the original question, “What helps reduce overthinking, overwhelm, and procrastination?”
In my experience, it’s accountability. Especially For us ADHD, Neurodivergent types.
If left to their own devices, little if anything is likely to happen in between conversations with them.
The accountability changes that.
Poor executive functions make it difficult to create, and follow a plan.
Life can feel like driving your car through yards, and over mailboxes every time you leave the house.
No plan or sense of direction.
Having an accountability partner isn’t about assigning the role of “designated nag” to someone.
It’s having someone agree to support you in creating results important to YOU. It helps to have someone there to hold your hand during the more difficult parts. Am I right?
With an accountability partner, you aren’t alone at any point in your journey.
Your partner can be a sounding board, a brainstorming partner, a voice of reason, a coach, a teacher, and sometimes a friend.
Knowing I’m there for you, and have your back. This alone reduces anxiety.
So many things happening inside you,
many working against taking risk,
experiencing growth, to remain safe from criticism.
Yet action is where the rubber meets the road. It’s a universal law – nothing happens until something moves. That includes you.
It’s the daily nudging, and guidance from me that helps make sure my clients follow through.
I have several accountability partners that help keep me from chasing every shiny object, so I concentrate on the goals, and objectives we agreed I’d focus on. They also help me get things done in a timely manner.
It isn’t a failure or weakness to need this support, it’s a reality. I can adjust to reality or resist it.
I message with my clients between sessions to help them take what’s in their minds, and turn it into action until they get the result they want. This is their opportunity to apply what they learn during our live conversations. Its also the time during which they’ll bump against a lot of self-sabotage.
There are a lot of old beliefs, and habits that showed up to protect the kid who felt they couldn’t do anything right.
Beliefs, and habits that grab onto the ankles of the adult that knows better, making it difficult to take the next step forward.
Time to step out of the past.
Let’s explore working together, because you have a life to live, a difference to make, and a legacy to leave. Sound like a plan?
What slows you doesn’t have to stop you…
One thing I hide behind my chipper demeanor,
is how much physical pain I actually experience day to day.
Yes, I’ve tried that!
Yep, that too!
I don’t talk about it every moment because there’s nothing to be accomplished by doing so.
I’m writing this from bed because the pain wipes me out.
That, and the cortisone shot for my back is wearing off.
That’ll open the floodgates to major burning, and stabbing pain from my low back down to my feet.
I share this with you because it’s a fact of my experience.
It isn’t a failure, curse or punishment. It’s simply a fact.
I also live with purpose, and have goals to accomplish.
Why should feeling sick stop me?
Sure, it slows me down.
But I’m relentless like water dripping on a stone.
I still manage to leave my mark.
Our aspirational culture bombards us with celebrities, influencers, heroes, and villains.
It has to influence, trend, be EPIC or Iconic!
It doesn’t have to make the news, go viral or win an award to make an impact.
Persistence, a little at a time, over time, can make a big difference. Patient determination.
Somedays I can only stick my toes over the sideline, and onto the field. But I’m still in the arena.
There have been days where I did no, “work”.
But I still practiced self-compassion, and being present while waiting for the worst of it to pass.
Sometimes I want to cry, sometimes I do cry.
It’s a part of moving through the experience until it calms down.
I choose my attitude, my priorities, and which thoughts I choose to believe. Attach those to my aptitudes for resilience, and resourcefulness.
Now my everyday experiences are filtered through a solution-focused way of approaching life, that makes me virtually unstoppable. Fortunately for you, this is all teachable.
If you can’t plan your day, how can you plan your life?
How to be a subtle superhero…
As a child, I spent a lot of time imagining myself a superhero.
Someone that couldn’t be hurt by others.
I was so used to being hurt by others. From the humiliating treatment of peers and teachers alike, it seemed no one understood me. I felt so alone in the world. I just needed to experience myself as powerful, if only for a moment.
I also wanted to be someone who could stick up for themselves, and others, so they wouldn’t get hurt.
My imagination helped me survive and persevere through the most difficult times.
Because I was able to imagine something better, a life where I didn’t suffer so much.
Here I am now, having never been bit by a radioactive spider, never figuring out how to fly or run as fast as a flash.
In a perfect world we wouldn’t suffer. In this world, suffering is an ocean we need to learn to surf.
Rescuing isn’t the answer, it reinforces the other person’s feelings of powerlessness.
As you’re surfing the flow of life, waves will on occasion, crash over you.
Your power is in getting back up, not in never having been knocked down.
Instead of swooping in to save the day, using your physical power.
You can remind others of their own power.
Stand by their side with patience, compassion and encouragement.
Impress upon them their ability to make decisions and take action to better their lives.
Show them how to save themselves, from the suffering within their power to manage.
The suffering created between their own ears.
With your steadfast presence, and ability to maintain your emotional integrity, while helping them learn to surf.
You show them the power you’re encouraging them to discover for themselves.
You’re being a subtle superhero. No grand entrance, no cheering crowd. It’s not about the audience, it’s about the principle. The principle of showing up.
You show up and use your power to think, and act more deliberately, less reactively.
You show people the power of showing up for others, and for yourself.
You don’t need to be able to hold a garbage truck over your head either.
Holding space for another soul is enough.
Your way of being offers safety, and protection. With the knowledge YOU are someone least likely to contribute suffering to their lives. They know they can trust you, be vulnerable and do the work.
What’s more powerful than being able to do that for someone?
That’s being a subtle superhero.
Following through when you have a neurodivergent mind…
What were we talking about again?
What’s the secret to my ability to craft writing and speaking the way I do?
How old do you feel when you hurt?
When you’ve experienced hurt after hurt that’s difficult to heal, here’s what happens.