Month: June 2022

It’s all temporary, that’s a good thing, here’s why…

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May be an image of 1 person, ocean, sky and text that says 'It's all temporary... NeurodivergentWomen.co'It’s all temporary, that’s a good thing, here’s why…
 
When you live with chronic pain or Neurodivergence, it can be easy to become depressed, discouraged and helpless.
 
I slip into those states on occasion. It isn’t a failure when I do.
 
Even the strongest weight lifter has to set the weight down as it becomes too much to keep holding after while.
 
The ever present reality of relentless gremlins such as these, also presents an opportunity.
 
It’s a chance for you to extend the patience and self-compassion you richly deserve, as you navigate life with any chronic condition.
 
You’re fortunate in being able to practice in the privacy of your own mind.
 
The pain I experience doesn’t go away, ever. But it does change in intensity. The executive functioning challenges I experience ebb and flow as well.
 
My ability to remember may be on point for a day, only to slide back into forgetfulness the next.
 
I find comfort in reminding myself it’s all temporary. Everything is waxing and waning, from the ocean tides, to the temperature outside to the speed of your heart beat.
 
Being able to live in this way helps keep your mind more calm, and widens your perspective about your circumstances, and your ability to manage them.
 
I teach the Neurodivergent women of my paid community how to do this.

Tend to hit your ceiling too often?

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ceiling“You’re so sensitive!” “You always get upset about such little things!”
As someone living with Neurodivergence, ever been told this before?
 
Yes, the nervous system of Neurodivergence is more sensitive overall. But that isn’t the issue.
 
The issue isn’t a low thresh-hold for stress. It’s how close we are to the thresh-hold constantly.
 
“My kid goes from 0-60 in two seconds!”
Actually, your kid goes from 55-60 in two seconds.
 
We can get pretty good at masking the stress we’re under, until the lid on our pressure cooker blows.
 
We go through life on simmer/survival, most of the time. Hyper-aware that confusion, anxiety, an awkward social interaction is just around the corner.
 
A dysregulated nervous system working 24/7 to regulate itself throws your mood, thoughts and motivation through a subtle and sometimes dramatic rollercoaster ride throughout the day.
 
I, experience emotional swings that last as short as a few seconds. I can be resting, talking with someone, anything really. Then I suddenly feel angry or very depressed. A few seconds and it’s gone.
 
This isn’t bi-polar, it’s mood dysregulation. What’s the difference? Bi-polar is chemical, and mood dysregulation (in this case), is neurological.
 
That’s one example of a dysregulated process. Then there’s sleep, appetite, body temperature. All things that can increase the baseline of stress we need to manage. Because it’s our normal.
 
Then we’re required to function in a world designed by people who neither live with or empathize with these issues.
 
So yeah, we can be the camel who breaks its back daily (hopefully less), because of how often that final straw lands on your back.
 
I’m a staunch advocate of self-care for that reason.
Learning self-respect, self-acceptance and self-compassion are key to living in this world.
 
So you can learn to see yourself through a lens that is more supportive and less critical. Some of the many things you’ll experience when you join my community.

Finding solutions when you think YOU’RE the problem…

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Many (not all) folks with Neurodivergence have difficulty with introspection, and actively avoid it.
 
Being raised on a steady diet of criticism and correction versus curiosity and connection, can lead to emotional indigestion.
 
If looking inward, meant facing the shame, guilt and memories of the reasons you’re not good enough. Would you do it?
 
Maybe you’d study or work all the time instead.
Perhaps you’d have a hobby that consumes your downtime.
Then you don’t have to think about anything else.
 
You distract yourself with a screen. Emotionally pulled too and fro by marketing designed to manipulate you into taking a specific action.
 
So much of your experience has taught you YOU are the problem. So why would looking inward be a way to find a solution. It feels like looking for a clean drink of water in an outhouse.
 
No! Instead you fix your gaze outward. Looking for any sign you’re doing something, anything, to please the people who hold the keys. Keys to the door that stands between belonging, or abandonment.
 
Today I revealed some of my secret sauce with my inner circle. How I’ve learned to safely guide others into introspection.
 
So they can find safety, self-compassion and peace, through looking at what happens within, while you react to what’s around you.
 
The key to managing life, your thoughts and emotions. Is learning how to manage your inner world.
 
Without the ability to introspect, you won’t be able to accomplish this. Which is why I focus so intensely on it.
 
A disorganized inner world is seen by everyone else as being defensive, anxious, sensitive etc.
 
It’s essential to counter balance those experiences with confidence, resourcefulness, curiosity and resilience.
 
All of which can be accomplished through introspection that helps you unlock the wisdom in your experiences instead of reliving the pain.
 
Want to experience this for yourself? Then we need to talk.

Have you ever felt confused?

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I took a risk. Allowing myself to be more vulnerable than usual, with a friend.

Have you ever felt confused?

Not the, trying to understand what the quantum physicist is talking about, confused.

It’s the, suddenly nothing anyone is saying makes sense, confused.

Everyone else seems to be catching on but me, confused. Ya know?

I’ve tried to reduce it all to a simple misinterpretation of the chosen words. Perhaps due even to something the speaker chose to omit.

“Of course I’d be confused if they left that part out. Anyone would be, right?”

I’ve assumed intelligence is measured by how well you understand and make use of the information given.

It’s clearer now, intelligence is better understood through how well you know yourself. To know what you need and how you need it, to do your best.

Being able to effectively communicate it to others.

I’ve feared judgement in sharing how easily confused and disoriented I get. Remember, I live with Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia and Dyscalculia.

That’s a lot of scrambled wiring in one brain.

Becoming overloaded doesn’t take much.
How my processing is going to be moment to moment, depends on a variety of things.

How many decisions have I made?
What’s my anxiety level?
Have I had enough sleep?
Have I had enough time to recover?
Is the dopamine flowing to match the demand?

Because my cup of executive function difficulty runneth over. My thinking process can become stymied by something seemingly commonsensical.

Because their words suddenly don’t make sense (auditory processing),
they’re giving me more information than I can keep track of (working memory),
I can’t remember the correct order of steps (sequencing).

When finally able to understand what my friend was trying to explain to me. I imagined how rudimentary it must have appeared, and why my confusion in itself may have been confusing.

So I came clean about my confusion and what a big problem it is for me. It’s incredibly tiring and anxiety producing to mask, “What if someone finds out!” Know what I mean?

I thanked my friend for being someone I felt safe enough to share that with.

Now I’m sharing it with you.

I’m grateful I made the leap to be honest about something that had me feeling like an imposter of sorts.

Now that it’s out there, no need to hide or feel insecure about it. The more people understand these challenges exist for people.

The more patient and compassionate they can learn to be with us. In the meantime, we need to be that way with them.

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