How are you feeling?
When asked this question recently, I responded, “Emotionally, I’m happy and optimistic. Physically, I feel exhausted and sick.”
It’s easy to get confused about the options you have, to choose the quality of your experience.
Especially when conditioned to use statements like, “I’m sick,” or “I’m in pain.” A more apt description would be, “I’m experiencing fatigue, body aches and a headache.”
No it isn’t COVID, silly. It’s life with hEDS. By being specific I’m reminded not all of me is sick.
The specific sensations I described, alerted me that an illness or flair may be brewing. Or that my physical status quo, remains so.
Kinda like driving through life in a crappy car.
It’s rusty, the tires are worn and the engine stalls when you come to a complete stop.
But you’re grateful to have a car.
Your attitude can be thought of as the weather your car drives through. The car being a body easily overwhelmed by light or sound. It has a weak battery, and is held together with doggedness infused duct tape.
It’s realizing you can enjoy the ride regardless of what you’re driving.
Sure, the a/c is busted, so the car overheating constantly can be a suckfest. One that makes the nicest weather a liability, when so much of trip prep revolves around keeping the car cool.
It’s a challenge to have a solution-focused outlook, when your body feels dysregulated or perpetually sick.
But feeling happy, content or connected doesn’t presuppose you’re comfortable. Not suggesting pain or suffering is a preferable alternative.
Quality of life is not an all-or-nothing proposition. You don’t need to be 100% happy to feel happy. You’re happy because your enjoying the happiness you have.
When you savor a spoonful of your favorite dessert, you don’t need to eat the entire platter to enjoy it.
The latter occurs when you look to the dessert for the pleasure you struggle to create yourself. I’ve struggled with this throughout my life as well.
The more I discipline the ability to choose my attitude when the body struggles, the more able I am to meet the body with patience and compassion.
Frustration and resentment are exhausting. When I focus on the car and all that it isn’t, I suffer.
When I counter balance it by focusing on abundance, opportunity and gratitude. I see how much more there is to life, than what driving distance allows.
