Month: April 2022

Waiting for things to fall apart?

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When you live in survival mode it can feel like you’re just waiting around for things to fall apart.
 
There are moments you savor though, right?
Time with a best friend,
Your favorite tea,
Sitting in your favorite chair.
 
You savor them because you’re present with them.
You allow yourself to simply enjoy the experience you’re having.
Knowing it’s temporary compels you to be present with it.
 
Survival mode is time mode (e.g. past /future).
Savor mode is present mode.
 
Your attention dramatically affects your experience.
When you can learn to savor the moments of your life,
You learn to enjoy life instead of worrying about it constantly.
 
Good thing I know how to do this. I can show you.

How words can hurt, and something you can do about it

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It’s said that “words can never hurt” you. Perhaps.
Though words don’t happen on their own.
 
They spring forth from an emotional state. A state creating an energy field that can overlap with, and influence your own energy.
 
Like two rivers flowing into each other.
 
Boundaries can help reduce the impact of more hurtful energies.
It can be difficult to do when you have a Neurodivergent brain.
 
It expends a great deal of energy just trying to stay regulated.
Let alone being able to rally your resources, and maintain composure while standing your ground against a verbal onslaught.
 
Protecting your energy by avoiding certain people and situations (when possible), helps you save your resources for where they’re needed most.
 
Going to restaurants at off times, talking to people for shorter periods of time with topic driven conversations (avoiding chit chat).
 
Some people are simply more intense than others and are dysregulating to be around.
 
So don’t minimize your experience by saying, “They’re just words.”
Words don’t occur without the energy behind them.
 
Which is likely why so many of us prefer texting or emailing versus in-person. More info with less emotional energy to navigate.
 
My thoughts at least.

Do you have a hard time making decisions?

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Do you have a hard time making decisions?
 
Are you afraid no matter what you decide, it’ll be wrong, or someone will be upset with you?
 
Growing up Neurodivergent (e.g. ADHD, Dyslexia), you’re criticized and corrected far more than a typical peer.
 
You’re criticized for NOT thinking things through. But no one taught you how YOUR brain makes decisions. What steps does YOUR brain need to take think things through?
 
Without a process for making decisions, how can you be expected to get better at it? A process for your brain. Instead of constantly being reprimanded for NOT doing it the typical way.
 
Having the right friends, in a community, who know how to support you, so you feel comfortable learning what works best for you. Then you can be at YOUR best, not measure up to someone else’s best.
 
There are too many voices in your head from your past.
Voices of people who didn’t know any better.
 
You don’t owe it to them to keep that voice alive.
You do owe it to yourself to create a voice that speaks with compassion versus condemnation.
 
My community of Neurodivergent Women can provide you a path forward and a community supporting you every step of the way.
 
You’ll never be alone in this journey.

A tip for lasting motivation…

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Staying motivated long enough to see things through is a challenge for the ADHD, Neurodivergent crowd.
 
Something that can help is celebrating small wins along the way.
 
One of my motto’s, “Put your beginnings and endings closer together.”
 
Imagine your path is made of stepping stones. Every step helps you progress along the path.
 
So every completed action moves you somewhere, (hopefully) forward.
 
I need help creating plans because my executive functions (e.g. planning, sequencing) are so shoddy.
 
Having EF challenges doesn’t mean you should quit. It means you have an opportunity to experience synergy. You’ve heard the expression, “two brains are better than one.”
 
In my experience, working with someone who’s EFs are better than yours is a gift to both of you.
 
Now this is one aspect of the entire approach to staying motivated.
 
In my Inner Circle you learn the strategy and have an entire community cheering you on, and helping you work through your fears. It’s so powerful.
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