Relationships are give and take, right?
But is the give and take transactional or reciprocal?
We just explored this in depth in the NEW-IC Group call because the distinction is important to prevent yourself from getting used.
This is especially important to know as someone with neurodivergence. We can be trusting, and our desire to please can be used against us.
You see, someone who thinks transactionally believes theirs a spoken or unspoken agreement between you. A this-for-that agreement.
You do something for me, I do something for you. If you fail to do what you’re “supposed to” the other person will be upset with you. It’s because you’ve broken the deal and now they can’t complete the transaction.
Folks who see relationships as transactional surround themselves with people who have a specific use versus having specific values or qualities.
On the other hand, reciprocity is valuing the importance of looking out for one another. You give because you believe it’s important to do so, not because you expect something immediately in return from that person.
Ideally, you’re creating supportive relationships with people who give to you of their own will because they also value reciprocity.
The ones who take, take, take, are thinking transactionally. In there mind its going to the drive through. Why would they be concerned if the person giving them their food is also hungry, they got what they came for. Make sense?
In the NEW-IC we learn to set boundaries with transactional folks so they stop draining us. THEN, we develop the confidence and skills to build the relationships that build us up and bring us joy. Beginning with each other.
Making that shift so you have more people giving to you than asking of you is the goal. You can try doing this alone, but that’s the hard way, and you don’t have to.