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thing that helps you remain calm when someone has a strong emotional reaction, is to be clear who owns the reaction.
They do! A trigger isn’t a single cause resulting in a single reaction (e.g. “She said something mean, so I got mad.)
A trigger starts a chain reaction of neurological and physiological responses. Specifically in the threat detection sections of the brain.
The trigger itself is a sensory experience that reminds you of one you had during a traumatic event.
It happens in an instant in response to something that happened between you or around you when the person was triggered.
Stand firm in your intentions and your desire to do right by the other person. You never know how someone else will perceive you, even at your best.
Know that the other person is struggling to regulate their own emotions and nervous system. This can affect their ability to think clearly.
By keeping responsibility with them you’re also less inclined to want to “fix things”. Though you want to be supportive.
You want help deescalating things using the calm you’ve been able to maintain.
There are a variety of phrases you can use, each worded precisely to help them zero in on what they need.
👉🏼 Please tell me what’s upset you just now so I can understand.
👉🏼 Did something just happen that threw you off?
👉🏼 What aren’t you talking about that’s upsetting you?
Encouraging them to define the issue in as concrete terms as possible begins the cool down. As they state their needs to someone calmly listening, it’s easier to follow suit.