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When you want to show up more thoughtfully, patiently and helpfully for your neurodivergent child, spouse or for yourself. You really need to start with the narrator.
You know, the Narrator between your ears (your thinking mind) that tells you what’s happening, why it’s happening and who’s fault it is.
You’ve come to know your Narrator as the most trustworthy voice in your life. It tells you what to believe, what to do, who to trust and vice versa.
Is the world black and white or gray?
Is the world safe or dangerous?
Ask your Narrator.
One of the downsides of your Narrator is it is its own echo chamber. It loves listening to itself, not usually for the better.
The Narrator wants to protect you, so it’ll provide more details about obstacles than opportunities.
Some people are surprised to learn the negative way they talk to others is the same way the Narrator talks to them.
“Hold on a second Mr. King! Yes, I’m hard on myself and worry people will discover I’m secretly filled with self-doubt. But I treat people much better than I treat myself.”
Then I submit to you, your behavior in that case is the result of good social training. It’s less an authentic expression of your true feelings about the person and the moment you’re experiencing with them.
The energy it takes to keep up the facade is exhausting, isn’t it!?
How do you spot the Narrator in action?
The Narrator’s tool of choice is “should” and all its variations.
When you become aware of this, its mind blowing to discover how “should” permeates your view of the world. Like drops of rain landing on the sidewalk. They’re everywhere, touching everything.
Shoulds are competing comfort zones. Varies rules set by people who want you to adjust how you show up so they can be comfortable. I’m not talking about NEEDS here, I’m talking about preferences. Shoulds are preferences.
Unlearning the library of shoulds that have been forced upon you throughout your life is like getting an elephant off your chest.
You stop beating yourself up over little things.
You stop worrying so much about what others think.
You can be yourself around others and be authentic.
That’s peace, my friend.
That’s what I help the Women in my Inner Circle of Neurodivergence with every day.