November 2021 - Brian R. King, MSW

Faster doesn’t equal smarter

November 27, 2021 by brianrking

Why use speed as a measure of intelligence?

A client and I were swapping stories earlier, about the importance of giving our neurodivergent (ND) kids the time they need to process.

That goes for their ND parents as well.

Her daughter (homeschooled) can be playing in the proximity of a lesson/teacher and be paying attention. My client knows this because she’ll see her daughter apply the lesson later when she’s ready.

Good luck finding a school that supports this learning style. This intelligent, sensitive child whose nervous system relates to and processes information differently. She just needs more time.

I work with many bright ND kids who believe they’re stupid. Simply because other students answer questions more quickly or finish tests sooner.

A house built quickly isn’t a better house.

I have difficulty processing in real time and appear forgetful, have difficulty finding words and such. Give me the time I need to process and I can speak eloquently and intelligently.

The urgency and impatience inherent in our culture has us believing pausing is indicative of lying.

It could also indicate a person trying to think before they speak.

You have a right to pause and allow your brain to work at whatever speed it needs to for you to think clearly.

We could all do with more opportunities to pause, reflect and respond more mindfully. Don’t you think?

Keep going…

November 18, 2021 by brianrking

I was accepted to Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey Clown College when I was 18.

I was diagnosed with cancer two weeks later so I couldn’t go.

Life goes the way you want, or it goes different.

It took me two years to start feeling like I had my strength back. I was in a radically different headspace.

I didn’t want to show up in that way anymore. I didn’t pursue Clown College.

That was one of many instances when the door of opportunity was opened only for life to have other plans.

The more these things happen in my life the more I noticed a pattern.

If I at minimum believed I was going to be okay and things were going to get better, they always did.

So I keep going.

Because I’m going to be okay.

Even when things go different.

Thanks for making me feel like my needs don’t matter

November 3, 2021November 1, 2021 by brianrking

Hey DeKalb IL Wal-Mart,

Thanks for making me feel like my needs don’t matter.

I didn’t choose to be disabled and have so much trouble walking.

In spite of my best efforts I haven’t been able to earn the thousands needed to buy my own scooter etc.

I rely on the availability of scooters at grocery stores to make them accessible.

I avoid shopping alone because if there’s no scooter I risk injury from walking or falling.

Today there was a scooter, with 100% charge. But when you pulled the lever nothing happened.

A staff member walked past me and I asked if she could help. She simply said, “I don’t know”, and kept walking.

I impatiently raised my voice, “Is there anyone who would know?”

She stopped and pointed at a co-worker who proceeded to come over and test the lever on the scooter, no go.

She said, “I don’t know why its not working”.

So she wandered around as though she was looking for someone else then casual returned to her station without saying another word to me.

This is how I was valued by your staff today.

I had to walk with a cart, fight to keep my balance and walk out with terrible foot and leg pain that impacts what I’m able to do the rest of the day.

The able bodied world has no idea how ridiculously expensive it is to be disabled.

You either have to be broke to get government help or making 6 figures to get what you need.

If you’re in the middle you’re screwed.

Welcome to the win-lose world of Capitalism.

I’m just trying to participate in the world and do my part to support my family.

Things like this make it so frickin’ hard and it doesn’t have to be like this.

I am enough

November 1, 2021 by brianrking

What am I without a college degree?

I am enough.

What am I without a 6 figure income?

I am enough.

What am I without a lot of friends?

I am enough.

What am I if I can’t fit in?

I am enough.

What am I if I still have a lot to learn?

I am enough.

What if you understood nothing outside you changes the value of what’s inside you?

You could lose it all and still be enough.

Fortunately, you’ll never have to test that because everything is connected.

Just sit with the feeling, the knowing.

That who you are is the one experiencing it all, without any of it mattering in the least in terms of how you feel about yourself.