I have an idea about RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) experienced by many with ADHD.I’ve noticed those that experience it perceive relationships in an all or nothing way.
You’re loved or unloved, given attention or ignored, you’re happy when they’re happy.
When in a relationship it’s often co-dependent. Wanting constant access to the other person and the dopamine hits that come from their approval.
Having the need for acceptance finally met after so many failed attempts can feel like breathing fresh air.
Whereas the loss of this feeling can feel like suffocation.
To approach relationships in this way causes you to idealize the people you’re in relationships with.
After inflating the value of the relationship, the loss of it can feel like a death. All-or-nothing.
But why do some folks experience RSD when they feel rejected by strangers?
That’s because all-or-nothing thinking treats all rejection the same. It’s a catastrophe no matter who it’s from.
The deeper experiences originated with those they felt close to, then were generalized to everyone else.
What’s the solution?
First recognize this is caused by a feature of ADHD. It IS NOT a character flaw!!!
Second, as it’s a feature of ADHD you know it’s glitchy so you need to question what it tells you.
Practice catching yourself having an all or nothing thought:
“I always…”
“You never…”
“Everybody knows…”
Then say to yourself, “Now you know that’s the all-or-nothing talking. What is more likely to be the case?”
“I sometimes…”
“You occasionally…”
“People I know…”
I hope this is helpful.
