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“He’s going to be an adult someday so he may as well learn it now.”
This is a concerning belief in the mind of many parents raising a child with neurodivergence (ND).
It demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about how our kids learn.
Believing a consequence needs to be harsh and effective the first time is punishment logic NOT problem solving.
Its important to teach our kids how to make better decisions, not simply how to feel bad for the decisions they’ve made.
We have an epidemic of shame and guilt in this world and it stems from beliefs like this. Shame and guilt primarily lead to changed behavior to avoid feeling more shame and guilt.
Is this what you want for your child?
Yes, our kids are going to be adults someday. That doesn’t mean they’re going to be adults tomorrow and today’s consequence better prepare them for being so.
It’s the parents own all or nothing thinking that believes a child needs to learn the lesson NOW, instead of as a process.
I live with an ND mind and am raising several children with ND. Our brains have difficulty processing, retaining and retrieving what we know.
Inconsistently applying what we know is the result of this glitchy web browser in our brains. It isn’t about defiance, disrespect or anything else you tell yourself to convince you its intentional.
Do you honestly believe your child lives to bring down as much pain upon themselves as possible.
Our kids learn best by learning to think through the situation you want them to become better at problem solving.
Not by lecturing and telling them what to do, that will not work. They need to be guided in solving the problem doing the thinking themselves.
I just taught the members of my Inner Circle how to do this.