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I read a post the other day discouraging people from complimenting others on weight loss. The reason being that person may be recovering from an eating disorder.
Should I not tell someone they look good today in case they have body dysmorphic disorder?
I should probably avoid saying good morning in case it reminds a depressed person how depressed they are.
I don’t know if its true, but during a call yesterday I heard a story about a celebrity who has “outrage” as part of her brand.
She doesn’t shy away from demonizing people or places that commit the offense of “triggering” her.
Let’s be clear about something. A trigger is a piece of information (e.g. visual, auditory, etc) that reminds you of unresolved trauma.
This celebrity reportedly made a scene at a public clothing store after feeling triggered and demanded the store change something. The status of this celebrity resulted in loss of sales for this store.
I used to work with a woman who treated me like crap for a year and I had no idea why. One day she apologized and said her ex-husband was named Brian and just hearing the name made her crabby.
Should I have changed my name to accommodate her so she wasn’t triggered?
Who said the world has to sterilize itself so I’m never reminded I’ve have painful things happen in my life. Things I’m still working through?
The trigger exists because the pain exists. The trigger didn’t cause the reaction any more than pulling a trigger on the gun fired the bullet.
The bullet fired because there was one in the chamber. Remove the bullet and the trigger is useless.
Our culture is way too entitled when it comes to blame. From our political leaders down to the person who blames the red light for their anger.
Your triggers are the result of an ongoing hostile relationship with the world. One created when your nervous system becomes dysregulated (and stays that way) after a traumatic event.
The way you experience the world changes, most everything becomes a threat. Are you going to eliminate everything that upsets you from your life? Will you demand the rest of the world do the same?
Will you realize we live in a big universe that doesn’t revolve around you, me or any individual. Other people have needs to and those needs ARE NOT conditional on whether they trigger me or not.
I’m not that special and neither are you.
We cannot expect people to walk on egg shells around us because we’ve been unable to resolve parts of our trauma. I know first hand it can be difficult when you haven’t discovered the right strategies for yourself.
But if you think that gives you license to unload your baggage on someone who did nothing to help you pack your bags. You’re going to be lonely quite often.
I will not support you or anyone who punishes one person for another’s misdeeds.
Keep doing the work.
Self-Advocacy becomes toxic when its rooted in blame instead of a desire to inform and educate. Shame and criticism don’t educate.
Keep doing the work.