Month: December 2020

“Telling your story of life with neurodiversity educates and robs stigma of its oxygen.”

I said something to that effect during a discussion about neurodiversity in the workplace this morning.

The question was raised about how to educate employers about differences.

I emphasized that it needs to start outside the companies, in our communities and homes.

Your unique wiring brings with it 1 of 7 billion definitions of what it means to be human.

There’s profound beauty in that. There’s wisdom in that.

Wisdom regarding how you’ve learned to navigate the human condition.

When you share your decisions, strategies, tips or processes. You’re sharing a path to progress for someone.

Your story can be a potent piece in a larger puzzle that gives a face to the value of embracing neurodiversity.

To open up corporate culture or businesses in general to the riches lying unmined in the neurodiverse community.

We need people willing to make the conversation a priority.

People committed to normalizing it.

People dedicated to destigmatizing it.

Let’s get to a point where our differences draw us to each other as readily as our similarities do.

Our sameness comforts, our differences challenge us.

What will others think if I tell them I’m actually confused when they all seem to know what’s going on?

We can be hanging out together like always and suddenly I feel disoriented and nothing makes sense. It can even be a little scary.

This, or something like it, happening is a common fear of people with neurodiversity. Sometimes there are many conversations happening at once. Some folks talk fast.

Any number of things can overload your brain circuits and cause a temporary short circuit.

Sometimes my brain can keep up but sometimes it doesn’t kick in. Your brain can be like that unreliable car you have to push to get it started.

If only you knew when those times were going to be. Alas, they’re unpredictable. You may fear others discovering your vulnerability.

If you have this fear often one thing to consider is your social circle.

Nit picky, teasing, trash talking types may be less likely to express empathy and extend you grace during these moments.

People who themselves are more accepting of their own mistakes. Those who handle disappointment with flexibility instead of anger. These are the people you want around you.

There’s a reason swimmers choose water instead of oil. The environment you put yourself in to try and be your best matters.

It’s difficult to meet your needs and be at your best when hanging with people you don’t feel safe enough with to ask for what you need.

A few things to consider. Your current circle may have no idea of your struggles and may surprise you.

You could take a chance and speak up to see if they step up.

If they don’t, you take the necessary steps to bring new people into your life to add more water to your pool.

The answer should never be a life of keeping your needs to yourself because of a lack of those who understand.

When I’m presented with a positive opportunity my first response is fear.

My self-talk begins generating a list of reasons why my health won’t allow it, why I couldn’t possibly make the time for it and blahdy, blah, blah!

Yes! There’s a part of me that still feels like an imposter, is afraid to be seen and is afraid of failing with an audience.

The key is to keep that voice in the peanut gallery instead of as Chairman of the Board.

I help you step by step (as I’ve learned to do) to gain power over that voice so it’s smaller and easier to brush aside.

Part of the process is countering the fear with compassionate self-talk.

I remind myself I offer nothing more than my best at any given moment.

That I will be human throughout and make no promises beyond what I’m confident I can deliver.

I will not accept responsibility for something someone needs from me unless it is communicated directly to me. Telepathy is not a gift of mine.

Though I enjoy travel I’m not available for any guilt trips.

I will decline all efforts to compel me to feel shame.

I declare now that I am good enough and no human has the power to deem it otherwise.

Once I’m grounded and empowered in my values and my humanity, I can respond from that place instead of fear.

Let’s work on your empowering voice.

My birthday has been a source of hurt and resentment for my entire life.

I was born on December 25. For as long as I can remember, the fact it was my birthday was something that got in the way of everyone’s Christmas.

I felt invisible in my family and a birthday is one day you hope everyone notices you.

It was tradition to go to my grandparents house to meet up with aunts, uncles and cousins.

My mother did her best to encourage family and even my siblings to take notice.

The fact they needed to be reminded year after year added to my already feeling like an outsider.

When I became a parent the attention naturally shifted to my boys.

I began noticing myself feeling angry each year as my birthday got closer. Feeling guarded and wanting to be left alone.

For many Christmas’s I agreed to a cake Cath was generous enough to bake but I was left with a feeling of guilt.

Like I was in the way and burdening her on my own birthday. Gee, wonder where that came from.

Now comes this week. Cath and the boys had the idea of doing Christmas on Christmas Eve and just Christmas being for my birthday.

In my almost 51 years of life I’ve never had that offer.

I went through feelings of confusion, anger, resistance, sadness and finally today I cried.

I realized I didn’t know how to enjoy my birthday. I also realized I was sick of having them ruined every year.

This year we’re going to start a new tradition. I’m eager to see how it feels for once.