Month: November 2020
So you want to do everything yourself
You want to do everything yourself, I understand.
The thing is, you’re not good at everything and that’s okay. Neither is anyone else.
Not everyone is born to be the quarterback or prima ballerina.
You have gifts and gaps. Your gifts make you an asset for those with a gap in that area and vice versa.
One of the most authentic ways for us to connect with each other is in that vulnerable moment when you ask another soul to lend you their gift to make your life a little better.
You deny yourself that amazing experience when you refuse to ask for help.
Whether it’s to help you fix something, walk you through a recipe, give advice or just listen.
The energy you receive from a supportive relationship is empowering as though belief in yourself was given a RedBull.
It’s also a great reminder someone has your back.
Being a solo act is no bueno. It’s a lonely existence when you believe success only counts when it’s you alone.
It may not be a motivation problem
As someone living with ADHD, what looks like a lack of motivation may be resistance to the pain of progress.
Our failure rate is much higher than for the average person because of our executive functioning glitches.
We also receive significantly more criticism as a result.
So if you decide to set and pursue goals it can often feel like you’re choosing to be a glutton for failure and criticism.
If the successes don’t feel big enough for you to counter balance the negativity it may not seem worth it to you.
A few ideas.
It’s important to take on things where you can set the pace for yourself. Keep your frustration level low and do your best to enjoy the process. Slow and steady is your motto.
Find a mentor who can be a voice of reason and encouragement. You’ll need someone to help keep you from sabotaging yourself. To keep you grounded in the present.
Learn not to place as much attention on the time and effort between successes. Learn to enjoy the process as well as the success.
When you no longer fear the discomfort of the work involved in getting from A-Z the resistance subsides.
Then it’s easier to see yourself taking action and your motivation stirs.
Just remember, motivation requires a daily recommitment to doing the work to making what you desire a reality.
That focus creates your motivation to keep going.
When your child tells you, “NO!”
I just don’t feel motivated
Love yourself – just because
Love thy neighbor as thyself. That’s assuming you love yourself.
We’re raised to be on our best behavior. To be friendly, polite, social.
We aren’t typically taught how to be our own best friend. Loving, supportive and understanding.
In fact, we’re often taught to feel in such a way is selfish and prideful. Self worth is selfish 🤔
But you want to feel this love and acceptance somehow and the next best way is by creating it for someone else through an act of service (e.g. kindness, friendship).
It’s a conundrum. You can accept the kindness of others and feel good about it. You can feel good because they feel good. The behavior gives you permission.
You only seem to feel good when giving is happening and people are happy.
But you’re discouraged from loving yourself just because. Without conditions.
This is the kind of love you owe to yourself. To love yourself just because.
From that place you can love yourself when you shine as well as when you stumble. When you hurt and when, in time, you heal.
You’re always worthy of love you give yourself just because.
Hmmm. That’s an interesting idea. Just because.
Want to give it a shot?