I may just cry over this…

I could cry I’m feeling so frustrated.

On my way home from seeing yet another specialist in Chicago.

My MS Doctor believed the reason for the nerve pain in my legs was because of nerve damage being caused by an additional autoimmune condition that was attacking the nerves in my legs.

So I had an EMG and just met with the specialist to get the results. She said there’s no nerve damage in my legs and thinks my MS Doctor may be confused in thinking the MS can’t be responsible for my symptoms.

One problem the Doctors have in fully visualizing my MS is they can’t use contrast during the MRI because I also have kidney disease.

The Doctor today said she thinks I may have a lesion on my brain stem that isn’t far enough along to be seen without contrast.

She ordered 15 vials worth of blood work to check for some rare things and a few vitamin deficiencies but essentially we’re back to, “We don’t know why you’re feeling as miserable as you are.”

It’s harder to walk, difficult to use my hands and no one can tell me why.

Where do I go from here?

Wallowing in self-pity won’t do me or the people in my life any good.

If I end up crying so be it, it’s cathartic and cleanses the body of stress hormones.

So I’ll remind myself I’m no worse off than when I started this day. The things that make my life worth living are all around me.

The only thing I’ve lost is hope that I’d receive news that there was a way to make me feel better.

Since that isn’t happening today, I can continue focusing on the countless other reasons for me to be happy.

Shifting my focus back to what I have to be grateful for is the plan. I’m glad I decided to write this because I can already feel it working.

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