Telling someone to “snap out of it” when it comes to their ADHD is one of the most hurtful things a spouse can say.
I read a post from a young wife this morning struggling to explain her challenges to her husband while awaiting final diagnosis for ADHD.
Of course many parents have shown similar resistance to their child’s diagnosis. So what gives?
Is it fear your loved one will be considered different?
Fear YOU failed if you can’t fix it?
Afraid how it’ll make YOU (the partner look)?
Maybe it’s fear about your partner/child?
Does it put them at increased risk in the world?
What if I’m not up to this as their spouse/parent?
What if I screw up and make things worse?
All kinds of things go through a person’s head when someone they care about is given a diagnosis.
Some of it can appear selfish on the surface. Some of it may be protective for a mind having difficulty grasping its role may be about to change dramatically.
Some of it can be old fashioned helplessness when faced with a big unknown.
Both sides require patience, understanding and honest communication about your hopes and fears.
If in the end if you’re able to work together – you win.