When do you get to be yourself…

Hey Moms,

It’s hard when the memory of your childhood is of a girl who struggled throughout her life, feeling like an outsider.

✔️She wasn’t outgoing enough
✔️She was too sensitive
✔️Didn’t pay attention because she was too dreamy.
✔️Social relationships felt awkward and superficial

People around you seemed to want different things from you. You learned to be different things to different people to keep their approval.

But you rarely, if ever, got to be yourself.

You learned that wearing a variety of hats, fulfilling a variety of roles is what made you valuable to others.

But you must be doing, serving, in order to have value.

What about the “being” responsible for the doing. Isn’t she worth something?

What if she just wants a day to be. Not keeping an appointment, rescuing someone or being someone else’s everything?

When does this little girl, who has grown into a woman, get to love herself for who she is?

It can be confusing to find your way in life when you keep shuffling through the various roles you play in search of the one that’s ultimately you.

None of them are.

The roles were created in response to the mistaken belief that being who others want you to be makes you worthy.

Once you realize this mistake, you can spend the next chapters of your life letting go of the roles.

When you find the true you beneath those layers, it’s the happiest feeling.

Trust and trust again…

Trust and trust again until you find those who truly value it.

🌱 People who support your growth
🌱 Who honor your vulnerability
🌱 Who let you be you

Those are the people to surround yourself with.

I was talking with my sons at dinner and shared this with them.

I used to think the solution was building up their social skills so they’d be able to hold their own in a conversation. My sons live with ASD and ADHD.

That’s well and good, but if you’re blind to your own vulnerabilities it can make you more of a target.

The foundation of any interpersonal skills is self awareness.

I encouraged them to work on being more honest with themselves about what they need help with to live the life they want.

Emphasizing, of course, that at age 50 I still struggle with this. So allow yourself to remain in process and get better and better at this over time.

The cast of characters in your social circle will ideally level up as you grow into the depth of who you truly are.

It hurts to have your trust violated. It can feel dangerous to trust again.

Think about how good it feels when you find the person you know will catch you if you fall.

Now imagine having many relationships like this.

It’s powerful. It’s possible.

I have a community just like this.