“Do you love yourself?”
I mean truly feel your own worth, regardless of anyone else’s permission.
I asked a client this question just now.
In fact, I often ask myself this question to see how in touch I am with my own worth. To be honest the answer varies.
Sometimes I say, “I really love you, Brian” and it lights me up. Other times I feel a wall come up. That’s my cue to explore what’s behind the “not good enough” of the moment.
We were discussing boundaries at the time. What I explained was its difficult to establish and enforce personal boundaries around self-care if you don’t think you’re worth it.
Martyrs often glamorize putting the needs of others before their own to cover for their poor sense of self worth. NOTE, I said often NOT always.
Of course there are plenty of instances where putting the needs of others first is honorable, but not as an all or nothing way of life. There’s no honor in celebrating the anorexic who died starving themselves to end hunger. Make sense?
Being able to love yourself is an act of humility not of selfishness.
To love you is to love the you that is simply human. Not special, not better or worse. But you are here, one of the pack. As one of the pack, you deserve to be included and never left behind.
But you must value your own worth. You too must eat, sleep, laugh, love, connect and grow. Your human needs don’t get suspended because others demand your attention.
Claim your personal duty to love yourself to. Encourage it in those around you as well. You want to teach your children not to be taken advantage of by others?
Teach them how to love themselves instead of trying to make everyone else happy.