Shame is an inside job ripe for a do over

Listen to this post ...

No one can shame you but you!

The trend labeling any kind of criticism as shaming is horseshit and the product of a victim mentality.

Of course as children we don’t know this. We take everything personally and often conclude that we’re bad in response to harsh criticism.

The problem lies not in triggering the shame it lies in not healing it.

If someone calls me fat they aren’t fat shaming me. I know I’m fat and I own why.

If I use that criticism to fuel a self loathing inner rant toward myself that’s on me.

Can it be hard work to heal your shame, absolutely. What can make it simpler though is realizing you put it there. You as opposed to the villain you saw (at the time) as more powerful than you in every way.

Doesn’t matter if you were 5 years old when you did it.

Being afraid to face this pain and work through it feeds a host of addictions or other self defeating behaviors that start with a desire to distract yourself from it.

I’m not stupid enough to suggest being the victim of a violent crime doesn’t warrant the intense reaction and subsequent struggle to regain a sense of safety in the world.

Please know that it need not be a life sentence and there are ways to help you heal to whatever degree you’re able.

The process comes down to changing what the shaming event meant to you.

This requires you to revisit, reflect, revise, reconcile and recover.

  1. Revisit your memory of the hurtful event. It may even help to gain the perspective of others who were there to see if they have helpful insight you haven’t considered.
  2. Reflect upon the decisions you made about what this event meant to you.

The meaning you create keeps feelings of hurt in play because believing you’re bad isn’t exactly temporary.

It also isn’t enough to change your thinking, your body is holding onto the pain as well and crying is one way pain exits the body.

  1. Revise the decisions you made then with ones that acknowledge why you decided what you did at the time. Give yourself permission to change your mind about what it all meant.

Choose a new empowered meaning/memory that creates a feeling of the weight of the old meaning being lifted off you.

  1. Reconcile the new memory of the past with where you are now. Has the feeling you have about yourself now improved. Yes, good.
  2. Recovery of lost dignity increases your confidence, perseverance and resilience.

More than worth it if you ask me.

When you join my inner circle I’ll walk you through this step by step until the healing is done.

Helping your neurodiverse child stop tuning you out

Listen to this post … Hoping our kids learn important lessons through lecture is a fruitless strategy. All your kid really gets better at is tuning you out. I’ve learned (especially with ND kids), introspection is a more powerful teacher. But ND kids tend to avoid introspection. Their self-consciousness and inner critic make it something they want to

Read More »

A useful way to manage anxiety

Listen to this post … Let me tell you something about anxiety. Anxiety is stored up energy for action you can’t take. When you fret about the past, thinking about how it should have gone, what you should’ve done – you’re suggesting to yourself another course of action is possible. Your subconscious mind thinks, “Yeah, let’s do

Read More »

Getting beyond RSD with ADHD

Listen to this post … I have an idea about RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) experienced by many with ADHD. I’ve noticed those that experience it perceive relationships in an all or nothing way. You’re loved or unloved, given attention or ignored, you’re happy when they’re happy. When in a relationship it’s often co-dependent. Wanting constant access to the

Read More »

He’s going to be an adult someday so he may as well learn it now

Listen to this post … “He’s going to be an adult someday so he may as well learn it now.” This is a concerning belief in the mind of many parents raising a child with neurodivergence (ND). It demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about how our kids learn. Believing a consequence needs to be harsh and effective the first

Read More »

One tip for you that can transform how you think about life

Listen to this post … I have one tip for you that can transform how you think about life. I was talking to a friend this morning who was unaware just how disabled I am by my health conditions. She was surprised by how positive I was able to be regardless of the challenges I experience every

Read More »

A secret for becoming less reactive…

Listen to this post … I’m going to help you learn to be less reactive by teaching you something about how the Neurodiverse brain works that no one ever taught you.Conventional wisdom tells you you have the power to choose your thoughts. If you’re feeling a certain way, just change your thinking and all is

Read More »
%d bloggers like this: