Yesterday a major topic in the discussions I had with clients was a lack of reciprocity (give and take) in their relationships.
During the weekly mastermind call with my clients, one member brought up the dispute with their spouse over the division of household chores. Is this a familiar subject in your household?
While text coaching with a client on their train ride home from work, the subject of lazy colleagues was addressed. The feeling that they are expected to pick up the slack for everyone else. Does this one resonate?
Fortunately, the suggestions I have for reconciling either situation is the same.
It begins by examining the story you tell yourself about how it should be, what others ought to be doing and why the present state of things is unfair.
It’s that story that feeds the frustration you experience over the situation and your belief that you are being victimized by others. Seeing the story for what it is, a story and nothing else, can help you sidestep the victim mindset and allow you to regain your ability to take action on your own behalf in the situation.
Second, it’s important that you speak up and clarify your understanding of what your responsibilities are and what you fully intend to do to satisfy them, while also clarifying the responsibilities of others involved in what they plan to do to satisfy them.
Assumptions are breeding grounds for miscommunication and unmet expectations.
Once you’ve done those two things your task is to execute your own responsibilities, nothing more. You don’t concern yourself with the shoulds or the oughts as they pertain to others.
You model what it means to own your responsibilities and satisfy them. You can support others in satisfying their responsibilities but it is not up to you to satisfy them on another’s behalf.
Easier said than done to change this habit of yours, of course.
But when you increase self-discipline in this area you will free yourself from frustration on a level you may have never experienced before.
Are you eager to learn how to do this? Then let me know and we’ll discuss how to get you from where you are to frustration-free.
During the weekly mastermind call with my clients, one member brought up the dispute with their spouse over the division of household chores. Is this a familiar subject in your household?
While text coaching with a client on their train ride home from work, the subject of lazy colleagues was addressed. The feeling that they are expected to pick up the slack for everyone else. Does this one resonate?
Fortunately, the suggestions I have for reconciling either situation is the same.
It begins by examining the story you tell yourself about how it should be, what others ought to be doing and why the present state of things is unfair.
It’s that story that feeds the frustration you experience over the situation and your belief that you are being victimized by others. Seeing the story for what it is, a story and nothing else, can help you sidestep the victim mindset and allow you to regain your ability to take action on your own behalf in the situation.
Second, it’s important that you speak up and clarify your understanding of what your responsibilities are and what you fully intend to do to satisfy them, while also clarifying the responsibilities of others involved in what they plan to do to satisfy them.
Assumptions are breeding grounds for miscommunication and unmet expectations.
Once you’ve done those two things your task is to execute your own responsibilities, nothing more. You don’t concern yourself with the shoulds or the oughts as they pertain to others.
You model what it means to own your responsibilities and satisfy them. You can support others in satisfying their responsibilities but it is not up to you to satisfy them on another’s behalf.
Easier said than done to change this habit of yours, of course.
But when you increase self-discipline in this area you will free yourself from frustration on a level you may have never experienced before.
Are you eager to learn how to do this? Then let me know and we’ll discuss how to get you from where you are to frustration-free.
That’s all for now.
