My son really pushed me yesterday

Living with one disability can be a real bitch let alone living with several. I’m known for my ability to turn any difficulty into a positive but I’m human. 
As a human being who also lives with anxiety and depression, my brain often goes negative first and it’s from there I find my way to the positive. 

Yesterday is a prime example. My wife wanted to go to an arboretum with the boys and I and I was having a flare up that made me want to stay in bed. I saw the disappointment in her eyes as we rarely get to do things she wants to do. So I got myself moving and off we went. 

I used my wheelchair to get around and I became tired quickly in the humid air. I kept trying to muscle through it as thoughts of, “I don’t want to slow anyone down,” “I don’t want to be an inconvenience” entered my mind. 

I felt conflicted as I really needed help but was making myself feel guilty. Until I heard a voice from behind me ask, “Do you want me to push you Dad?” 

My 15-year-old Aidan saw me struggling. I responded, “Do you mind buddy, I’m starting to get tired?”

“Not at all.”

I felt such a relief. 

Something about being offered help in that moment felt better than asking for help. My ego was protected, I suspect.

After a bit, I took the reigns back, until we approached an incline in the path. With collar bones that like to partially dislocate I knew it was unwise to try and muscle my way up. 

I asked Aidan if he wouldn’t mind helping me up the hill?

“Sure!”

I helped a bit so it wasn’t too hard on him.

It felt like a team effort and I expressed my gratitude to him for his willingness to help out. He seemed eager to help but unsure as to when to do so. His willingness made it easier to ask.

As I reflected on the day and the guilt I created early on. I realized that had I continued to selfishly protect my ego the whole time, I likely would’ve been miserable and I wouldn’t have had those special moments with Aidan that came via his helping out his old man. 

I was reminded that there are many ways to model strength. One of them is a willingness to ask for help.  

It’s like I teach in my Resilience Warriors Program. Vulnerability is an act of courage because it invites someone to join you in a very human moment and trusts them to support you there.

Helping your neurodiverse child stop tuning you out

Listen to this post … Hoping our kids learn important lessons through lecture is a fruitless strategy. All your kid really gets better at is tuning you out. I’ve learned (especially with ND kids), introspection is a more powerful teacher. But ND kids tend to avoid introspection. Their self-consciousness and inner critic make it something they want to

Read More »

A useful way to manage anxiety

Listen to this post … Let me tell you something about anxiety. Anxiety is stored up energy for action you can’t take. When you fret about the past, thinking about how it should have gone, what you should’ve done – you’re suggesting to yourself another course of action is possible. Your subconscious mind thinks, “Yeah, let’s do

Read More »

Getting beyond RSD with ADHD

Listen to this post … I have an idea about RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) experienced by many with ADHD. I’ve noticed those that experience it perceive relationships in an all or nothing way. You’re loved or unloved, given attention or ignored, you’re happy when they’re happy. When in a relationship it’s often co-dependent. Wanting constant access to the

Read More »

He’s going to be an adult someday so he may as well learn it now

Listen to this post … “He’s going to be an adult someday so he may as well learn it now.” This is a concerning belief in the mind of many parents raising a child with neurodivergence (ND). It demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about how our kids learn. Believing a consequence needs to be harsh and effective the first

Read More »

One tip for you that can transform how you think about life

Listen to this post … I have one tip for you that can transform how you think about life. I was talking to a friend this morning who was unaware just how disabled I am by my health conditions. She was surprised by how positive I was able to be regardless of the challenges I experience every

Read More »

A secret for becoming less reactive…

Listen to this post … I’m going to help you learn to be less reactive by teaching you something about how the Neurodiverse brain works that no one ever taught you.Conventional wisdom tells you you have the power to choose your thoughts. If you’re feeling a certain way, just change your thinking and all is

Read More »
%d bloggers like this: