How to disagree with Civility

Social media can be a blessing when it comes sharing ideas and learning new ones.

It can also be an argument waiting to happen.

I prefer the former and share some ideas in this video on how to make it happen.

Though the topic of this video addresses improving the tone of disagreement on social media.

It’s a powerful lesson on how to make the most of opportunities to explore disagreements to further your personal growth.

How to make sure life isn’t any harder than it needs to be

Life can be a difficult and scary experience, especially when your knowledge of the options you have for living confidently are scarce.

The people you look up to for their accomplishments, especially in business or personal development are obsessed with learning solutions.

They don’t spend their time distracting themselves from their worries, they relentlessly seek the solution to conquer it.

Watch this video as I discuss the role of learning in overcoming the fears that bind you.

What is the best way to H.E.L.P.?

How do you decide who to help? Is it the person who agrees with you politically or shares the same religion?
Do you actively try to change someone’s behavior through criticism?

The discourse between people seems more divisive than ever. More than ever we’re seeking to exclude others from our lives, to keep our distance.

Is this helpful? For who?

We have forgotten what it means to be civil, respectful and to listen to one another.

I have an idea, a principle. That in some small way may help us find our way back.

Have a watch and share your thoughts.

Look in the mirror, THAT’S your competition

Your biggest advantage in this world is between your ears.

I was asked by someone yesterday how to overcome a fear of crashing while traveling by air.  

I shared that I used to have the same fear. Until I implemented a few steps.

I learned to mindfully manage my breath so it remained deep and calm.

I’d press my feet against the floor of the airplane and pretend I was on the ground. 

I’d also use that time to read, write or get lost in music.   

Here’s the reality, the fear of crashing isn’t the issue. Your insistence on dwelling upon it is what causes the problem.  

At any moment you have the power to change your focus. 

Each day your mind reminds you of your fears. Each day you have the choice to give into them or take action regardless. 

I was watching a movie with my boys last night and one character kept repeating, “The world is a dangerous place.” I agree that in this world there are places that can be considered more dangerous than others (Wal Mart on a Sunday for example). 

Such all or nothing beliefs (the world) robs you of a host of solutions. You need to focus and be more specific. 

You choose the experience you’re going to have in this world. I’m not suggesting investing in a pair of rose color glasses.

I’m reminding you that even when problems or reasons “why not to act” are obvious to you. Insist upon examining the other side of that coin as a matter of habit.

Allow yourself space to become as excited about the solution as you did to become frightened by the problem.

Once the solution excites you more, the problem becomes a door to a solution. 

In time you’ll no longer be fighting against yourself (as much). Instead, you’ll find yourself taking more action and creating more of what you want in life.

I have the joy of teaching people how to do this every day. 

That’s all for now.  

Progress equals happiness

“If you want to have ongoing joy and fulfillment in your life, the secret is just one word – progress.” – Tony Robbins 

It feels great to be getting somewhere in life, do you agree?

How do you know you are actually getting somewhere? 

I was coaching one of my international clients via text when he shared he’d been feeling a bit depressed lately. After a little exploration, he explained that he didn’t feel worth much as he didn’t feel like he’d done much lately.

Long story short, though we had been discussing his goals he hadn’t taken the time to write any of them down. Therefore, he couldn’t note any action steps he was taking in service of his goals. 

Trying to keep it all in his head (as many people do) wasn’t working for him.

He was losing track of his goals and his efforts toward accomplishing them. If you can’t acknowledge your actions then you can’t tell whether they are effective or not and therefore you can’t celebrate your successes.

He was making more progress that he realized he just wasn’t measuring it.

His next task was to write down his goals (which we reviewed) then noting what he did each day to make progress with them. 

This simple habit has far-reaching implications for your productivity overall. 

You’re putting in a lot of effort to live your life, the very least you can do is acknowledge where your time is well spent.

In fact, if you want to know how I was able to accomplish this with him via text then you’ll want to check this out


That’s all for now.

What rejuvenates you?

It’s easier than ever to get so caught up in doing things that you end the day exhausted. Not the smile on your face, job well done exhausted. I’m talking about the fully spent, feeling empty exhausted.

That may not be you, though I imagine you know people like this. In which case, please forward this message to them.

I was working with a new client via text recently. It became clear early in our exchange that they were a very generous individual, someone who cared deeply about the well-being of those around them. But it was often at the expense of refilling their own bucket so to speak.

This is an all too common experience for those who feel they are born to serve.

When you care so much about serving others it can be easy to forget to strike a balance between feeding yourself and making sure others are fed as well.

The operative word in my conversation with this person was “rejuvenation.”

Use this word to identify activities and experiences that serve the purpose of giving to yourself. Doing something that’s just for you that fills you up in a unique way so you no longer feel exhausted but feel alive.

For this person, it was creating something by hand. For others it may be a walk in the woods, exercise, reading a good book, you name it.

The key is not only to identify it but making time for it, without any guilt whatsoever. By prioritizing time to rejuvenate your spirit and your energy you increase your ability to be of service at the level you want.

What rejuvenates you?​​

That’s all for now.

How do you pronounce HAPPINESS?

“In order to love who you are, you can not hate the experiences that shaped you.” – Andrea Dykstra
 
A good friend shared the following with me recently, “My daughter had trouble pronouncing happiness when she was little. She said happi(m)ess. Life gets messy. I choose to find the happy in the mess.”
 
From the mouth of babes huh?
 
Much of happiness is found this way. From the ability to find the silver lining, the lesson, the opportunity.
 
Happiness isn’t found in a state of zero resistance, where everything is easy and pleasurable. That my friend is comfort NOT happiness.
 
You want happy? Then be prepared to work for it. You must also be prepared to lose it. Then work some more and experience it again.
 
Sure, you can decide to be happy this very moment. Should life distract you, then you must find your way back. Back and forth, ebb and flow, they work together.
 
The happy and the mess. ​​​​
 
Without the dark, you wouldn’t appreciate the light.

A Tribute to Stephen Hawking (1942-2018) – Morning T.E.A. with Brian

“However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up.”
– Stephen Hawking


Each morning I have the distinct pleasure of arriving in your inbox to share my thoughts and experiences with mindset in service a living with greater resilience in the presence of life’s challenges. 

I had planned on sharing something entirely different today until I awoke to the news of the passing of theoretical physics titan Stephen Hawking.

Stephen has been a lifelong role model for me as someone who continued to stretch his own mind and challenge our understanding of our place in the universe. 

Many of my coaching clients are young adults or in their teens and are not familiar with Stephen. I enthusiastically introduce them to him as someone who thrived in spite of his physical challenges. As someone who has defied the odds and was a shining example of resilience.  

In recent years, I’ve referenced him as someone who taught me to live fully with a physical disability. I go into this more deeply in today’s video. I hope you enjoy it.

What’s your message?

“My life is my message.” – Gandhi


The people you spend the most time with have a front row seat to the way you choose to live your life.

Every day they get to see the latest episode of the (insert your name) show.  What is it you show them? 

This has been a theme of a few conversations I’ve had recently. First, in the weekly mastermind call I have with my clients (as part of my group coaching program), we discussed the importance of scheduling your values instead of your busy work. 

In doing so you make sure the things that light you up get your time and attention. You also tell the world what you care about, what you stand for. 

In a mastermind I attend for my own growth, I was challenged to take greater responsibility for losing the 100 extra pounds I’m carrying around. I realized just how much I continue to sabotage myself regardless of the positive changes I have already made. 

The message I’m sending is a half-assed approach to improving my health. That isn’t the message I want to send nor is it the way I want to live my life. I committed to stepping up my game (I type while eating a salad), GO ME! 

You simply can’t expect good, lasting results without a complete commitment to creating what you want. 

What one thing are you half assing that you really need to step into?
What result will you experience by going the distance?
How can I support you in making it happen?

“How do YOU handle being unplugged? – Morning T.E.A. with Brian

Do you schedule time away from your electronic devices? Or are you like me and feel disoriented without your phone within reach at all times?

I’m in the middle of a lesson on how to be unplugged due to accidentally leaving my phone in my pocket when I went for a swim yesterday.

You know me, I’m passionate about finding the lesson in every experience. This one is no exception.

I overslept this morning because my Plan B alarm didn’t work so well. I was late to an appointment and my self-talk, around my lateness, my disorganization, my helplessness without my phone was pretty brutal.

Right when I needed it, a stranger reminded me of what was most important and it totally shifted my mindset. Watch today’s video as I explain what happened. A lesson that’s good for both of us to remember.