That pesky ALL or Nothing thinking

“Things will NEVER change.” 
“It’s ALWAYS been this way.”

When you find yourself stuck in sadness, anxiety or in your thinking, chances are you’re practicing all or nothing thinking.

This is a common trap for people with ADHD and very important to become aware of for your emotional, psychological and relationship health.

Freedom and solutions are found in the gray and rarely in the extremes.

Taking meds for ADHD doesn’t have to change who you are

Many youth and adults with ADHD resist the idea of medication to manage the challenges ADHD can create.

Meds are historically associated with the treatment of illness, an infection you want to get rid of.

Mental illness, as a result, is so stigmatized in our culture the mere idea one may need to treat something mentally through medication can result in great fear and shame.

Though ADHD isn’t considered a mental illness, the idea of meds for treatment can make it appear so.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” or “I’m not crazy” are common reactions.

What this expresses is, “My brain is me!” “If I take a medication for my brain it means something is wrong with me!” “I don’t want to change me!”

If I’ve learned anything it’s that my brain isn’t me. My brain is what helps bring me into the world. It learns language, remembers people and important things about them.

It reminds me of the values that connect with my spirit so I can live those values consistently. The better I can live my values the greater the impact I can make on the world.

If my brain or anything else results in me being inconsistent and unreliable. I’d like to do something about it.

I don’t take meds but my sons do and the results are miraculous. I use meditation and mindfulness to manage my ADHD.

The point here is to put greater importance on the results you want to create instead of protecting the mistaken belief that who you are rests solely in your brain.

Being an Adult With ADHD Can Be a Problem & An Opportunity: 4 Steps to Start Healing

So many adults with ADHD live with poor self esteem and a trunk full of painful memories that impact their ability to enjoy life.

Words like bullying, embarrassing, lonely and more are used to describe their experience of childhood. It was the same for me.

The good news is the past doesn’t have to equal the future. You can heal the past hurts to make room for happiness in the present.

It takes work but you owe it to yourself and to your kids to be the best you.

A few tips to get started:

  1.  Write a letter to your younger self explaining how important it is to hang in there because of the things they’ll get to experience in the future. 

  2. Give yourself permission to grieve your less than perfect childhood. 

  3. Forgive the adults who didn’t know what they didn’t know. 

  4. Remind yourself daily that you’re worthy of love and respect.

Decision-making can be trickier when you have ADHD

Decision making can be trickier when living with ADHD. Your tendency is to think in an all or nothing way. Even though you may be aware of the gray, it can be more difficult to find it.

I’m fortunate to have people in my life who excel in the gray. Well, it’s as strategic as it is fortunate. It’s essential to surround yourself with people who balance you out. You end up doing the same in return.

I’m also great with the details but miss the big picture.

Here’s the key to making better decisions. My black and white thinking is something I’m aware of and I know there’s information I forget to consider as a result.

So when I need to think something through I reach out to the people in my life to help fill in the gaps.

They don’t make my decisions for me, they help remind me what else I need to consider. Having them help me think more completely leads to better decisions.

How do you quiet a busy mind when you want to sleep?

How do you quiet a busy mind when you want to sleep?
 
This is a paraphrase of a question asked in an ADHD group on Facebook yesterday. My recommendations were meditation and reading. To which someone replied, “Great! Two things I can’t do.”
 
I used to think I couldn’t read until I discovered text to speech technology. If you have difficulty sustaining attention for only a few minutes then only read for a few minutes.
 
In addition, I find the meaning of meditation is still grossly misunderstood. It seems people believe meditation requires you to sit for long periods of time with a still mind.
 
For the ADHD community, this idea is laughable. It’s also incorrect. I have ADHD, and I have practiced meditation for 25 years.
 
The one thing to understand about meditation is that its a valuable tool for becoming intimately aware of how your mind works. How it reacts to the world, meaning it assigns to things, the conclusions it draws.
 
You develop a deep awareness of all of this by simply sitting and being aware of the chattering of your mind without participating it. This is something everyone can benefit from in the world that seems to be filling up with the easily offended.
 
For those with ADHD this awareness is critical for managing impulsivity, negative thinking, and any other thought that slams the door on your ability to see beyond the limitations you impose upon yourself because you have ADHD.
 
When I first began meditating my mind was all over the place. It took catching my mind wandering and then bringing it back to the moment over and over and over again to reach the level of awareness, calm and focus that I experience now.
 
Only a desire for perfection can make you a failure at meditation. It is the most powerful tool I have discovered for managing my ADHD.
 
It won’t take you 25 years before you experience these benefits. One of the many benefits I’ve experienced is the ability to simply shut off my mind when I’m ready to go to sleep.
 
No book, course, app, or medication can do for you what increasing your self-awareness can. You want answers to how to manage your ADHD and live fully. Start by looking within.

What’s the meaning of life?

What’s the meaning of life?

A few simple thoughts to help you uncover it.

The Mindset Game

I was invited by my new friend Guy Golan to discuss my thoughts on why people in this part of the world, who seem to have so much opportunity, experience higher rates of depression than anywhere else in the world.

Watch as we discuss this important issue.

What makes a person weird?

It’s pretty straightforward actually. A person is considered weird when they are inept at wearing the mask.

You know what I mean. The mask of conformity. The mask that doesn’t make waves and the mask that does what it’s told.

It’s the mask that pretends everything is okay when it isn’t so no one else is inconvenienced by their problems.

Weird is the person that challenges the status quo simply by how they see the world and make their way through it.

Who walks to the rhythm no one else can hear. Who questions the lockstep manner in which everyone else lives their lives.

Wierd is the person who is gifted to society to awaken them from the sea of monotony they swim in.

Weird is the seed that launches the root, that feeds the tree of an innovative spirit. One that moves society forward because it asks the simple question, “What if we didn’t do things the way they’ve always been done?”

When is the last time you were weird, tell me about it?

Cleaning house emotionally

Louise Hay once said, “If you want to clean your kitchen, you have to look at the dirt.”

A prerequisite to being authentically happy is working through the negative emotions that keep it at bay.

Happiness isn’t a fake it till you make it proposition.

Watch and chime in on this discussion.