Do you feel helpless when your child with ADHD or ASD repeatedly, talks negatively about himself?
You tell him it isn’t true, compliment him but it doesn’t seem to help, right?
As it turns out, I know exactly what to do. I had this very conversation during the weekly group coaching call with my clients this past weekend.
The first thing to understand is that your child doesn’t realize he decided it was his fault. He simply thinks he’s stating a fact when speaking negatively.
So it must be brought into his awareness. When he says something like, “I’m so stupid!” you can respond by asking, “When did you decide that was true?”
This question requires him to reflect (something our kids struggle with). Discovering he actually has a choice may be an epiphany.
Of course there may be rebuttal statements, excuses or questions he fires back to try and defend his position but I have responses for those too.
The key to helping him become more aware, disciplined and positive in his self-talk requires a few things:
1. Improve your own – modeling is the best teacher
2. Ask better questions – that require reflection not interrogation
3. Use the words “choice” and “decision” mindfully when speaking to plant the seed in your child’s mind.
Ex. A person said something rude to me today and I felt myself start to become upset. Then I decided it wasn’t about me and chose not to let it ruin my day.
Helping our children learn to love themselves can happen through our everyday interactions with them. That’s what I teach parents how to do. If you want to learn what all my other clients are learning and benefitting from, send me a message.