Shame is an inside job ripe for a do over

No one can shame you but you!

The trend labeling any kind of criticism as shaming is horseshit and the product of a victim mentality.

Of course as children we don’t know this. We take everything personally and often conclude that we’re bad in response to harsh criticism.

The problem lies not in triggering the shame it lies in not healing it.

If someone calls me fat they aren’t fat shaming me. I know I’m fat and I own why.

If I use that criticism to fuel a self loathing inner rant toward myself that’s on me.

Can it be hard work to heal your shame, absolutely. What can make it simpler though is realizing you put it there. You as opposed to the villain you saw (at the time) as more powerful than you in every way.

Doesn’t matter if you were 5 years old when you did it.

Being afraid to face this pain and work through it feeds a host of addictions or other self defeating behaviors that start with a desire to distract yourself from it.

I’m not stupid enough to suggest being the victim of a violent crime doesn’t warrant the intense reaction and subsequent struggle to regain a sense of safety in the world.

Please know that it need not be a life sentence and there are ways to help you heal to whatever degree you’re able.

The process comes down to changing what the shaming event meant to you.

This requires you to revisit, reflect, revise, reconcile and recover.

  1. Revisit your memory of the hurtful event. It may even help to gain the perspective of others who were there to see if they have helpful insight you haven’t considered.
  2. Reflect upon the decisions you made about what this event meant to you.

The meaning you create keeps feelings of hurt in play because believing you’re bad isn’t exactly temporary.

It also isn’t enough to change your thinking, your body is holding onto the pain as well and crying is one way pain exits the body.

  1. Revise the decisions you made then with ones that acknowledge why you decided what you did at the time. Give yourself permission to change your mind about what it all meant.

Choose a new empowered meaning/memory that creates a feeling of the weight of the old meaning being lifted off you.

  1. Reconcile the new memory of the past with where you are now. Has the feeling you have about yourself now improved. Yes, good.
  2. Recovery of lost dignity increases your confidence, perseverance and resilience.

More than worth it if you ask me.

When you join my inner circle I’ll walk you through this step by step until the healing is done.

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