Working through some stuff I’ve been holding in for a loooong time. I sobbed pretty hard today and feel better having done so. I needed to get it out.
I was terrified to say some of the things I did but the alternative was to continue living in fear and being tortured inside.
It’s hard doing so much work to be a pillar of strength and resilience and still have more and more demanded of you from multiple directions.
One of the hardest things for me to deal with is the belief I’ve failed another person.
When I give my very best and it still isn’t good enough and you’re hearing it from multiple people at the same time it can overwhelm you before you can muster the inner resources to look upon it with some perspective.
I’m absolutely fed up with forcing myself to push my strained executive functions beyond their capacity simply because others demand more of me.
I’m so afraid of letting others down I push myself beyond my breaking point regularly.
I can’t and won’t do it any more. It’s killing me.
I have to set firmer boundaries on my time and energy even if it costs me business. I need to do it for my physical and emotional health as well as my sanity.
No more cape! I’m no hero, I’m a guy trying to figure this crap out. I’ll do my best and share what I learn.