Eliminating toxic people from your life

Listen to this post ...

What makes someone in your life toxic? According to Nancy Irwin, one way to tell you have a toxic person in your life: Every time you encounter or hang out with them, you feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and negative. … Irwin describes a toxic person as anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally—someone who basically brings you down more than up. (Source http://bit.ly/2TEr0Im).

Does this describe anyone you know? Here’s the tougher question. does this describe you?

If you live with mental health challenges (e.g. ADHD, depression, anxiety, bipolar), becoming toxic is common. It’s difficult to be at home and feel confident in this world when you haven’t fiured out how to do it in your own mind/body.

There sure was a time I was toxic. Always negative, quick to find the downside of things. It cost me every friendship and one romantic partner after another.

It cost me the support I desperately needed from others. I imagine they grew tired of seeing their efforts to help me find perspective, hope, getting them nowhere. So they stopped trying.

I guess this is one reason I don’t give up on anyone. I knew I wasn’t hopeless. I was terrified of a world that could inflict bigger hurts than I knew how to deal with.

Its easy to point fingers at those around you and check off items on a list that make them the problem. It isn’t to say your assessment is incorrect. But change MUST start with you.

Communicating your needs, setting boundaries, monitoring the things you say and do that keep things as they are between you.

For example, have they become reactive to you? Do you trigger their reactivity? When you have a pattern of reactivity it becomes a hardwired habit in both of your brains that can be changed with conscious, deliberate, new action.

An important first step is monitoring the way you talk to yourself.

A tendency to go negative and defend that position isn’t about being cautious or covering all your bases. It’s about trying to convince yourself that safety is to be valued at the expense of risk.

The truth is, growth only occurs when you risk. Risk being hurt, mistaken, failing, loving.

You can go through life playing it safe, sure. That will leave you with one of the most toxic experiences of all, regret.

So what do you do? Take an honest look at how you show up in life. Are you a downer who always needs to be cheered up?

Do past hurts have overwhelming influence on present life?

Detoxing your life begins with your own mind/body. I know from experience that changing how you think, feel, eat, breathe and be, can change everything.

It begins with one step toward better. What step will you take?

Thank goodness for second chances

You’ll have your share of naysayers when you’re neurodivergent. When I first enrolled in the Social Work Program, I had a professor who didn’t like me. She went out of her way to try and get me to drop out of the program. It was the early 1990’s and about a decade before I’d learn

Read More »

When Facebook wants you to friend a childhood bully

Facebook just recommend I friend someone who literally used to torment me when we were kids. We have FB friends in common it seems. I felt anger at first as I looked at his face. I tried to see evidence of that kid I resented so much. I couldn’t see him. I didn’t know the

Read More »

Self-care is about more than getting enough rest

Listen to this post … Self-care isn’t simply about taking care of the parts of you that take care of everyone else. It’s about so much more.  It’s about taking care of the “self”, who you are, what fills you up and makes you feel most alive.  I focus on the self-care that strengthens the

Read More »

Where do we go from here…

Listen to this post … I grew up being bullied by classmates, teachers, and even members of my own family.I was beat up at various times from the age of 5 through middle school. I finally fought back, decisively, and no one touched me again after that.To some, I should’ve acted sooner. In my mind,

Read More »

When you don’t know how to figure out what isn’t working…

Listen to this post … You don’t need to have resolutions or goals because there’s a new year. Whether you live your life guided by a desire to be, have or do anything is up to you. Regardless of what the calendar says. Your beliefs about what’s possible for you may be informed by how much neurodiversity

Read More »

Robbing stigma of its oxygen

“Telling your story of life with neurodiversity educates and robs stigma of its oxygen.” I said something to that effect during a discussion about neurodiversity in the workplace this morning. The question was raised about how to educate employers about differences. I emphasized that it needs to start outside the companies, in our communities and

Read More »
%d bloggers like this: