Good friends are so hard to find. Yes they are, especially when you have that belief.
The reality is that it’s hard to spot them when all you focus on is the disproportionate number of jerks and boisterous extroverts around. These folks are easier to spot because they’re shinier, better at drawing attention to themselves and therefore seem more numerous.
What if you subtracted the number of shiny people from the total number of people in your life? You’d find there are so many more people to choose from than you realized. The people I spend the most time with are more reflective and more introverted (like me). These aren’t shiny, noisy people. But they are MY kind of people.
They’re also people great at helping me problem solve when my mind gets stuck.
Do a little sorting
Once you’ve identified the pool of potential quality people you need to narrow down the field. How do you do that?
You MUST get clear on what you’d want in a friend. How would a good friend act, talk to people, treat people? Once you have those criteria then you must begin actively looking for the people who do those things.
You may find some of the shiny extroverts fit your qualifications. You’ll also enjoy identifying all the people who weren’t on your radar until now.
Be a treasure hunter
To find the best friends you need the patience and perseverance of a treasure hunter.
Treasure hunters keep their eye on the prize but realize that not every dig results in striking gold. In fact, they expect to find nothing over and over and over again. The key is to keep digging until you find what you’re after – NO MATTER WHAT!
Sometimes a person can appear nice but turn out not to be so nice. You can consider this person evidence of fool’s gold in the friendship pool. Someone who appeared to be what you were looking for but turned out not to be.
I repeat, the key to a treasure hunt is that you don’t expect to strike gold the first time or even the 50th time. You expect to keep going until you strike gold and finding friends is the same way.
The best friend you’ve ever had could turn out to be the shy person who is simply waiting for you to introduce yourself.
Of course, there’s the part about how you get and keep the friends once you’ve identified them. That’s where I come in.