Family is not a zero sum game

A family is only as strong as the relationship between mom and dad (married or not).

You’ve read the stats, the ones that state divorce rates are higher among parents raising a child with special needs (ADHD included). Some studies say it’s true while others say it isn’t. Regardless, there’s no doubt that feelings of helplessness and frustration are common when you’re raising a child with high intensity, right?

I’m going to focus on one source of tension I see in families that needs to be dealt with straight away before it drives a wedge between parents. You can even use this once the wedge is created. It’s more difficult and may take longer but it can still work.

This tension is created by a child with a scarcity mindset who believes s/he is in competition with other family members for love and affection.

Children with ADHD live in the now, they also have an out of sight out of mind perception of the world. For example, a child looking for constant reassurance from a parent that s/he’s loved, does it because s/he believes that you only love them when you’re showing it or saying it. Make sense?

That’s why the child believes the person who receives love and affection is taking it from them. Because love and affection only exist for the person towards whom it’s being shown.

Want to change this pattern? As I mentioned, this is complex. If you want help with this, schedule a time for you and I to talk about it. For now here’s a strategy to get you started.

To help change your child’s out of sight out of mind belief, tell them things like,”When I’m at work today I’ll be thinking about how proud I am of you.”

“I love you even when I’m not with you.”

I imagine you can think of many others.

The other strategies involve creating an alliance with the child to support other family members etc. For now, try what I’ve suggested and let me know how it goes. As the tension subsides you and the rest of the family will feel so much better.

Thanks for being you

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